What if – for instance – we had a very narcissistic demanding parent, and our safety required giving attention to them more than being able to attune to ourselves, explore our own self-awareness, express our own ideas? Or what if we needed to sharply curtail our expectations of receiving from others, as a survival mechanism?? How might these patterns shape our ways of being in the world (which could remain as patterns even when we are no longer in that family-of-origin context)? How might we find our way to a righter balance from these kinds of protective maneuvers?
What if, whether due to innate temperament or adaptive necessity, we were adventurous and curious – but not sufficiently balanced by self-care? (Might we put ourselves in danger? I am thinking of kids whose enthusiasm, unbridled by equal amounts of caution wind them up in the ER repeatedly, with broken bones and concussions.)
And what if (again, whether due to innate temperament or adaptive necessity) we work more than we play, work more than we relax – might we not wind up out of right balance? And what would we need to attend to in order to “right” such a balance, tune in better to our bodily needs? Might we need to let go of a degree of perfectionism or workaholism or a “need to prove” ourselves worthy?
Again IFS (Internal Family Systems) work allows us to tune in to and get to know these different “energies,” understand their protective nature(s), and allow them to become less extreme or “driven.”
